IVF Prime Time aka Sweet Talkin’ Those Ovaries

It’s week 3 (outta 5) of BCPs (birth control pills) and Monday I added testosterone patches (Androderm) and estrogen pills (I take estradiol, the generic of estrace) to the mix.  We are in: the priming cycle.

I look at it as time to stroke my ovaries’ egos.

“Look how pretty you are, little ovaries.  My you look nice today. Hey….how’s about some of this testosterone, it’ll make you feel real nice.  Oooo….have some of this estrogen….see isn’t that good. Wow, you are just the best little ovaries. I bet you could make lots and lots of follicles if I asked you real nice.”

Ew.

I just creeped myself out.

What is a priming protocol you say? Yeah, I had to research it myself.  There’s actually not a super ton of info on this online but I was able to find some – and, I’ll be able to ask some more questions when el hubbo and I go in next week to sign all the consent forms.

Here’s some info I found on Estrogen Priming Protocol (EPP) at http://estrogenprimingprotocol.blogspot.com/:

  • Like BCPs in longer IVF protocols, estrogen is used in EPP to down-regulate FSH receptors. By providing external estrogen, the hope is that the pituitary gland will think a follicle is developing (follicles produce estrogen) and will thereby reduce the amount of FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) it pumps out. This “break” in follicular development give the ovaries a little time off at the spa, and allows the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist, aka puppetmaster) to take control of the woman’s cycle. In addition, it will promote estrogen dominance in the follicular fluid, which is believed will help protect the developing eggs
  • EPP is an aggressive form of an IVF Antagonist Protocol. It is used for low/poor responders — often women with high FSH and/or over 35 years of age. It’s a sort of “slow burn” methodology — the hope being that they slow you way down and protect egg quality while allowing you to stim longer. In addition, the slower stimming allows the hope that all active follies can catch up to each other, allowing for as many mature eggs at retrieval as possible.

There’s less information regarding testosterone priming, but I did find the following posted on the forum page at fertilitycommunity.com – it is one woman’s experience with testosterone (and a bit on ganirelix, which I’m also using) and her RE’s information:

  • “…..my RE felt that our egg quality may improve if we could increase the amount of estrogen reaching the follicles prior to stims. Based on his research, there has been some success in increasing natural estrogen levels by using nightly testosterone patches. We also used ganirelix/cetrotide during the week before stims to ensure that no lead follicles developed (which would have deprived the remaining follicles of estrogen/stims). So we were tackling two problems at the same time – the testosterone was purely for quality issues, while the ganirelix (plus a higher dose of stims later) was designed to increase the number of eggs retrieved.” 

But that’s all the science. What’s the day-to-day like?

Last time I had no side effects from either the testosterone or the estrogen, and I’m expecting that’ll be the same again this cycle. The estrogen (estradiol/estrace) is a tiny blue pill that super easy to swallow.  The Androderm patches have a sticky surface and you just slap them on and leave ’em ……IN THEORY.

I’m not sure if I mentioned it last cycle, but those Androderm patches would not stay on my person all by themselves.  The first morning I woke up and that sucker was stuck to the sheets. The stupid little two-timer was already cheating on me. I had to use medical tape to tape it to myself, which is fine, except that when you take the tape off it leaves that sticky gross residue that dust and dirt and other crap just clings to.  So basically, I spent/will spend a few weeks having lots tape residue gunky splotches all over myself.

Not the sexiest….unless grundy Pigpen is your thing.

Also, I had more discomfort pulling off the tape every night to switch the patches than I did from most of the shots. Just sayin’.

I was told the patches can go on your belly, your thighs, your fanny can, even your back – just make sure to rotate them around so that you’re using a new patch of flesh over the course of the week – i.e. don’t use the same place twice in one week.

Alright, enough of this, I gotta get back to complimenting my ovaries.

“Hey there ovaries, ooooo damn, you lookin’ SO FINE.”

Yep.

Still ew.

Cuteness, Tequila and Shark Cat Roomba

To the untrained human, trying to get pregnant simply involves gettin’busy, knockin’ boots, makin’ bacon, the lust and thrust, the bump and grind, havin’ a bedroom rodeo, some hanky panky, gettin’ lucky, a roll in the hay, a good old fashioned shag…..

……but for those of us in the infertility trenches, we know getting pregnant means trying to hone your body into a perfectly balanced eco-system of hormones and chemicals you never knew you had while aligning the planets during a mystical creatures convention where a unicorn nods approvingly at you and The Cubs win The World Series.

It can be daunting.

For me, it boils down to having a constant stream of distractions, shiny objects and things to occupy my brain.  I share some here each week.

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Disgusting cuteness on many levels.  It simply begged to be shared.

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Pee Wee’s Big Adventure has long been one of my favorite movies – always good to just throw in or have on in the background.  While it has a ton of great moments….this one spawned a dance craze and alot of quotes amongst my friends.

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Sure we’ve all seen shark cat on a roomba…..but this one’s in the kitchen!

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Hope everyone’s having a great week!

IVF2 starts with Birth Control, Brownies & Breaking Bad

So I’m on the ole birth control pills (BCPs) once again – and started last week pretty disappointed to learn that the doctor wanted me to do 5 weeks again this cycle.  I’d been super excited (like, SUPER excited, teenage-girl-might-get-Bieber-tickets excited….okay, clearly not quite that excited) when her assistant mentioned that I’d likely only need 2-3 weeks of BCPs this next go around.  And of course, since I’m Irish, I had a knee-jerk reaction, got ticked and emailed The Russian’s Right Hand (ala WTF?!) instead of taking a breath to think rationally. She was as patient as always, conveyed my concerns, came back with an answer….including that the doctor would move up the timeline, but it was not what she’d recommend.

Well of course I’m going to do what she recommends – but I did find out WHY the 5 weeks, because really, we all just want to know WHY any of these things are being done, right?

Essentially, I’m on a longer priming cycle to give the Androderm (testosterone) and Estrace (estogen) adequate time to prime my ovaries in hopes of producing a better response this next cycle…I am 42…lady needs some primin’.  When I asked about the lengthy time on BCP I mentioned that I was worried about over-suppressing my ovaries (something I’d picked up by surfing the interwebs) – well, turns out that the BCP don’t suppress THE NUMBER of follicles that are stimulated throughout a cycle, which had been my concern.

So, last week and this week BCP only, and starting the 19th I’ll be back on the Androderm patch and taking estrace orally once a day for 3 weeks, for a total of 5 weeks prep time…..WHICH SEEMS LIKE AN ETERNITY!

Tom Petty was totally right, the waiting is the hardest part.

With IVF #1, once I actually started stims things really flew, the 2ww even flew…..so I just gotta suck it up and make these next weeks fly by.

My husband was off visiting friends in Detroit over the weekend, so I was hunkered down with the dog, catching up on Breaking Bad before the premiere (which was….WOW) and being a little mopey….happens.  Anywho, I somehow got the urge to make a few dishes from my childhood to perk myself up.  I made a tuna/mushroom soup/peas & biscuits casserole that reeks of the 1970s but is very very comforting and nostalgia inducing. We literally only ever called it “That Casserole That Mom Makes.”

I also made a batch of brownies following the Better Homes & Gardens recipe that my big brother and I bastardized when we were kids:

2 Tbsp Cocoa powder**

1/3 cup butter**

1 cup sugar

2 eggs

¾ cup flour

½ tsp baking powder

½ tsp salt

1 tsp vanilla

**original recipe called for 2 oz Chocolate (Baker’s squares) and 1/3 cup shortening, but we grew up in a house that never had those items, but always had cocoa and butter

Heat oven to 350 degrees and lightly grease an 8x8x2 pan (glass if you have it)

Melt cocoa and butter together over medium heat.

Remove from heat and add sugar and eggs, beat on med/high for one minute (or by hand if you’re a kid and you’re trying to be quiet)

Combine flour, baking powder and salt – gradually add to cocoa/egg/butter/sugar mixture.

Stir in vanilla.

Pour into prepared pan and bake for 30-35 minutes.

Because of the substitutions these turn our a bit “blonder” than a standard brownie recipe….so likely will not please any folks who expect their brownies to be über fudgy – however these things are friggin chewy and delicious and I CAN’T STOP EATING THEM.

We head to NYC on Thursday for a few days of fun with my hubbo’s siblings and I’ll get to see a few of my besties as well, one of which is 5 months pregnant with her 2nd. I never saw her preggo with #1 so I’m excited, especially since she’s a tiny little thing and says she already looks real real pregnant, so it’ll be fun to see a short über pregnant lady who has a sassy mouth to boot.  (oof, that’s quite a run-on sentence…..don’t judge me). She knows what we’re going through and has been an amazing source of support.

So, at least the rest of this week should fly on by…..making it 2 down and 3 to go.

 

 

The double-edged sword of “What If.”

WHAT IF can keep you dwelling on the past, treading water, living with regret.  But, WHAT IF can also propel you forward, risking steps into unknown territory, creating possibility.

We hear it all the time:

WHAT IF I’d caught that bus instead of just missing it?

WHAT IF I’d gotten that promotion?

WHAT IF I hadn’t spilled coffee on my blouse?

What if?

Well…..

What if I hadn’t gotten pregnant in February?

What if I hadn’t had that miscarriage in March?

What if that first IVF would have worked?

But I did, and I did, and well, it didn’t.  But I at least got to show my husband a positive pregnancy test and share that joy, and because of that miscarriage I saw a new depth of compassion in my husband and our marriage is stronger because we weathered that storm together, and due to that first IVF kapootzing I know what coming at this next time. I mean, I’m real good at giving myself shots, y’all.

What if I try to look for opportunity instead of failure when things go an unexpected or unwanted way?  What if I look forward instead of back.

Dwelling on the failure aspects of these questions for a few minutes here and there is one thing, but giving hours or weeks to them means that I’m treading water: these events are behind me and I can’t manipulate them into something they aren’t because I didn’t get what I wanted.

Is that it? Is that why we live with regret? Is it because we didn’t get our way?

Well I didn’t get my way. It sucks. I’m disappointed. I hate it.

And what about:

What if I’d met my husband when I was younger?

What if I’d never moved to Chicago?

What if my parents hadn’t divorced when I was 13?

Well then I’d be someone else, right? And I don’t really want to be someone else.  I mean I wish my thighs were less ample, there were a few dudes that I should’ve known better about way sooner, and of course there were some key times when I wish I’d just kept my big mouth shut, but other than that….I’m doing okay.

What if….can create opportunity and excitement.

I mean, What If I get pregnant this next IVF? What if I book a national commercial? What if my husband gets a new job and we move?

Yes, in my past there’s been heartache and worry and regret. I have mourned, I have grieved, I have given energy to negativity. And then those events gradually move from being my present into being my past.

Because what if something is coming that i need to be ready for?

What if I shut myself off and I’m not even watching?

What if I MISS SOMETHING?

I miscarried in March but don’t really know how far along I’d be if I was still pregnant. I know when I was due and when that day comes I’m curious as to how I’ll feel. My miscarriage was early at 7 weeks, but I was definitely attached and devastated when it ended.  But I can’t keep something alive that isn’t. I lost that baby because that baby wasn’t meant to be. I didn’t do anything wrong – didn’t drink a 5th of Jack or compete in a rodeo pogostick contest. I rested. I ate well. I took very good care of myself. It just stopped growing, likely due to chromosomal issues. For me to dwell on “What If I was still pregnant” is a delay of game on what still lies ahead of me.  I’d be investing my energy on something I can’t change rather than taking steps towards making the future what I want.

And that brings us to a “What If” I’ve recently chosen for myself:

What if I change my attitude towards pregnant ladies? For awhile I felt like I was encountering them everywhere as if the universe was mocking me, putting something in my path that I couldn’t have for myself, making me have rain when I wanted sunshine.

But WHAT IF the universe is simply pointing out what I myself will someday be.  WHAT IF the universe is providing me with a fashion show of how I should and should not dress myself as a pregnant lady?  WHAT IF I need to keep seeing the joy because seeing the joy makes me feel a lot better than seeing the regret.

And:WHAT IF I never get pregnant?

But, What If I do….

What if, right?

What if.

Movie Motivation & Pirate Michael Bolton

To the untrained human, trying to get pregnant simply involves gettin’busy, knockin’ boots, makin’ bacon, the lust and thrust, the bump and grind, havin’ a bedroom rodeo, some hanky panky, gettin’ lucky, a roll in the hay, a good old fashioned shag…..

……but for those of us in the infertility trenches, we know getting pregnant means trying to hone your body into a perfectly balanced eco-system of hormones and chemicals you never knew you had while aligning the planets during a mystical creatures convention where a unicorn nods approvingly at you and The Cubs win The World Series.

It can be daunting.

For me, it boils down to having a constant stream of distractions, shiny objects and things to occupy my brain.  I share some here each week.

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The week here started off with some tough news so I’m a little late with this week’s edition.  I spent a mess of time looking at Louis CK clips and Muppet Show excerpts (very medicinal), but in the end I went with two of my very favorite movie scenes and a ridiculous video that just makes me laugh for its brilliance and stupidity.

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Meatballs was one of my favorite movies as a kid, and the classic “It Just Doesn’t Matter” speech by Bill Murray has always been a go-to for quoting. It’s one part pep talk and one part B.S. call-out about how life really works….and sometimes you really do need both at the same time.

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Animal House.  I barely feel the need to say more….but Belushi reminds us that it’s not over ’til it’s over

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Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone and Andy Samberg are The Lonely Island and they’re responsible for tons of videos you’ve likely seen via Saturday Night Live.  This one features Michael Bolton and I love every inch of it.

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A great week to all, and to all a great week.