My emotions have been closer to the surface than usual this past week. I’ve gotten boo-hooey at tv shows and commercials (not that I never do…but I’m noticing, so I figure it’s more) and I’m way less patient with crappy drivers who seem to make their own rules. I say things that aren’t nice….but it’s in the privacy of my own car and sometimes I apologize.
Anyway, I recently found myself in the kitchen heating up some soup (1 can Campbell’s Cream of Tomato mixed with 1 can Campbell’s Bean with Bacon, 1 can water, 1 can milk – my folks used to make it when I was a kid and it’s always been a source of comfort) and I was in a smidge of a mood….just wondering about it all and kind of questioning everything….
….and suddenly I realized that I was negotiating with my stomach….basically talking to an embryo that may or may not still be chugging along in there contemplating implantation.
I was having a conversation. A full-on conversation with a hopeful future entity.
“You should hang around. You could do worse. I mean, we’re pretty fun. We laugh alot and make up songs. We’re weird in fun ways. We have a dog. You probably won’t always get everything you want for Christmas but you’ll do okay. We’ll paint you a wall with chalkboard paint so you always have somewhere to draw. I’ll teach you how to turn the shower on before you step in so you don’t get smacked in the face with that burst of cold water that’s sometimes stuck in there. You’d have a good time. We’d like you to stay.”
I was staring down at my belly and just talking. Talking out of hope. Talking out of fear. Talking out of really wanting this all to work.
And so I’ve kept it up. At some point each day I’ve rubbed my belly (which is thankfully, finally, a little less bloated from the meds and the retrieval) and said a sentence or two. I in no way think this is unique or uncommon, and it’s comforting to know that other folks are out there feeling the same things and acting on them in cornball ways.
Do you hear that embryo belly? I’m a cornball. Why don’t you hang around and find out for yourself.