We had our Beta this past Thursday and it was negative.
Yep. Not what any of us wanted to hear.
I was pretty upset and just let myself cry it out….and I forgot how exhausting the act of crying can be. I’d start to get myself together and then it would start back up. I was so very tired the rest of the night – my body and my heart were just tuckered out.
I was actually surprised at the news….we both were…..we both just had this sort of….inkling that it had worked. That and I had experienced some new symptoms: nausea, cramping, insomnia….and supes gross, my pee smelled weird. (Sorry, but some of you might be interested in symptoms, even the icky ones). All of these symptoms can be atributed to the progesterone and estrogen supplements, but I had not experienced any of these symptoms before…..so you can understand my curiosity.
So we’ve worked through our disappointment – no irrational thoughts or blame, just a good old-fashioned case of the really sads….and while there’s still some residual blues that will linger for awhile, we’re doing okay. It’s taken me a few days to write about it tough.
And then we began to discuss our next step. I had already gotten a referral to another RE here in town (as a just in case) that some ladies in my support group recommended, so I called his office to make an appointment. The receptionist could not have been nicer and we have an appointment to meet with the doctor on January 21st.
We also started talking about the two different adoption agencies that we have visited here in Chicago so that likely over the next few weeks we can make a decision as to which one of them we will go with. I will also need to call both of them to see if I they’re cool with my doing an IVF cycle at the same time as the get-the-ball-rolling initial appointments/potential home visit business.
The silver lining is that we leave tomorrow for a 2-week vacation to visit alot of friends. We put this trip off twice before and I asked my RE this time if it would be okay to go in case I actually got pregnant. She said it’d be fine, so we made plans. We cashed in a mess of frequent flyer miles, had a friend who gave us a few more and we made our itinerary, which initially included Amsterdam and London and then I snuck in 2 days in Paris as a surprise Christmas gift for my husband. I used to live in Amsterdam so we’re staying with friends., another friend is letting us stay in her family’s flat in Paris, and my husband’s best friend now lives in London so we’ll stay with them. So luckily we’re able to keep the trip relatively cheap.
We’ll land first thing Tuesday morning….which is New Year’s Eve and also, my birthday. It’s always been nice to simultaneously reflect upon a calendar year and a year of living. I’m glad to put this past year to bed – we’ve learned alot and grown alot, but youch it’s been a doozy.
We both need a break and we’re going to get it. It’s been a tough year. We’re hanging in there though. Hope you are, too.