We’ve been so kickass lucky up until now that most of our IVF expenses have been covered. That door is closing.
The doctor has recommended pushing through with stims and freezing – after which everything becomes out-of-pocket for us. The math on freezing and storing embryos, a month or two of testing, drugs and an FET cycle (Frozen Embryo Transfer) would run us approximately $7000 (on top of the $1800 out-of-pocket we’ve already spent for uncovered tests and meds since February). That’s a conservative estimate.
That’s alot of scratch now isn’t it?
Those of you who are stepping onto your “I’ve Been Paying for IVF Out-Of-Pocket All Along” Soapboxes – I get it! I know which side my bread has been buttered on. I also know that without coverage we WOULD NOT have pursued IVF at all.
So let’s all take a deep breath and proceed….
$7000….and that’s an estimate. $7000 for a less than 10% chance of a positive pregnancy test, a lower chance of carrying to term.
Our meeting with an adoption agency gave us a rough approximate estimate of $30,000 to adopt a child.
So the question is: do we spend $7000, $30,000 or $37,000?
It’s the 3 Little Bears of “Where Should We Spend Our Money?” …..though instead of Too Small, Too Big and Just Right, it’s more like “Yikes!, Holy Crap! and Ah-Ooo-Gah!”
I’ll break down our thoughts:
The 7K for testing/FET feels like a real crapshoot. Not impossible for it to work….but RUAL RUAL slim chances. There’s a feeling that we’d be just throwing that $7000 away.
Doing the testing/FET first would delay starting the adoption process for another 4-5 months, which doesn’t seem right to either of us. If we were to do them both at the same time the potential $37,000 makes my stomach hurt.
So that brings us to our decision.
Which I’ll reveal…….after these commercial messages.
My hubbo and I have talked through it all, from every angle. He doesn’t like everything that IVF entails…shots, tests, driving to lots and lots to appointments, dealing with anxiety laced progesterone dreams…. He hates me having to get biopsies: “I don’t like them going in there and taking parts out.” But he’d support whatever I wanted to try, since my body has to do the heavy lifting. I felt him wanting to let me make the decision and told him it was too big to do alone, I needed to know exactly what he wanted.
Without thinking he said, “I’m ready to move on.”
Just like that.
Move on. Let it go. Mourn never carrying a biological child and look forward with hope to having a family a different way.
I’m not gonna lie: I’m tired. It’s been a long time. 2-1/2 years. And yes, I know some of you have been at it for way longer (and I’m pulling for you every step of the way) but I’m 43 and I’m tired of treading water.
I need some hope. I need to take the path that includes the most hope of us having a family.
IVF/Testing/FET = a known process, a few weeks of discomfort, lots of waiting, not much hope on the other end
Adoption = lots of unknown, likely a long daunting process with lots of waiting, and with lots and lots of hope at end
Monday after we left the doctor’s office my hubbo said “we likely know our best course of action, we just need to come to terms with it.”
So that’s where we are now: preparing for the excitement of adoption while coming to terms with the decision to stop trying to conceive.
And even though it feels right it’s harder than I thought it would be.
More on where I’m at with that when I speak with you next.